What in the heck is that supposed to mean, anyway? And how dare he just leave it at that!
It’s been three days since then, but I can’t shake the feeling in my spine. I work everyday just to hope to achieve what he seems to have aquired by accident. It’s hardly fair.
“Geez, Camber, breathe!” Bryce suddenly shouted, shaking me.
I quickly took several breaths, and felt the color return to my face.
“Why do you do that??” Bryce asked.
“It’s not on purpose!” I barked. “I just… forget…”
He just stared at me incredulously.
I turned away from him and returned to my studies.
“So, why are we in a cave in the middle of the woods, again?” he asked as he peered around.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked.
“If it were, would I be asking you!” he angrily retorted.
With an annoyed sigh I stood up and twirled around. I looked deep into his eyes.
“I’ve decided to become a vampire hunter,” I proudly exclaimed. I stuck out my hip and clasped my hands behind my head. It looked pretty cool when I practiced it last night, I can only hope it’s the same now.
Bryce looked at me in awe.
At least… It kind of looks like awe.
“Hey, are you in awe of me or what? Say something.” I demanded.
“Awe-righty then I’m just-”
“-That was a lame pun,” I cut him off.
“...I don’t want to hear anything about lame puns from you,” he said.
He looked at the ceiling, closed his eyes, and robotically said:
“Wow… Great idea Camber, what do you need me to do to help?”
“Well, you can start by turning up the enthusiasm a bit,” I said.
He reached out and began to turn an imaginary knob that ended with him giving me the finger.
“That was uncalled for,” I said.
“It said best what my words never could,” he said, still holding fast with his finger.
I reached out and turned an imaginary knob.
“What knob was that?” he asked.
“Hold on,” I said as I turned another one.
He waited patiently, his bird still shot.
“Ah, this one… gotta be this one,” I said turning a fifth knob.
“...Nothing’s happening…” He said.
“Wait for it,” I said, arms crossed.
He looked around.
I began to make rumbling sounds.
Bryce took a few steps back, a look of horror in his eyes.
I looked down at the floor and made a sound which I like to think was like a mechanical floor opening next to where we stood.
“Oh look, there it is!” I exclaimed, leaning down and pretending to open a box.
“What’s in it?” he asked nervously.
I rummaged through the imaginary box, pushing imaginary crap that I had been meaning to clean out for some time but never quite got around to.
“Ah! Here it is!” I exclaimed.
I grunted and pulled as hard as I could. I stood on one foot and placed the other inside that I might be able to pull harder.
Then, suddenly it came free and I fell backwards to the ground.
“Camber! Are you alright?” Bryce called to me as he kneeled down beside me.
“Y-yea…” I said softly. My hands were held tightly to my chest, lest it fall away from me.
Bryce’s eyes locked on them, and slowly, I opened them, revealing to him that which we had waited so long for.
“Here you go. I want you to have this. Cherish it always,” I said as I opened my hands and reached out to him with both middle fingers fully extended.
I pressed my middle fingers against his cheeks and rubbed them in.
“...Really?” he said.
“Eff you, you effin effer.” I said.
“Satisfied? Wanna get back on topic now?” He asked.
“Had enough?” I smugly replied.
I jerked my hands away as he tried to bite them.
“Fine fine fine! Turn around so I can get changed,” I said as I pulled my costume out of my backpack.
He turned away.
“No peeking,” I said as I quickly stuffed my feet into the stockings.
“Camber we’ve taken baths together!” He said.
“We were two that doesn’t count! I’m a woman now!” I yelled back, throwing on my top.
He just shook his head and looked at the ground.
“...Hey… Uh… help me,” I said.
He began to turn around-
“-No no no no keep your eyes closed!” I begged.
He quickly closed his eyes and began to feign blindness, stumbling about.
“Heyyyyy, folloowwwww the sound of my voiiiccceeeee” I called out to him.
He found his way to me and I grabbed his hands.
His breath shortened when I did. I guess he wasn’t expecting it.
I guided his hands to the corset strings and said:
“Yep. It’s gotta be tight,” I said.
“Are you… wearing a corset?” he asked.
“I… Of course I am! What else would a vampire hunter girl wear?”
“Please let me open my eyes,” he said, holding back his laughter.
“Don’t you dare.”
“Fiiiiinneee… Brace yourself,” he said.
I leaned back and closed my eyes.
He jerked with all his might.
The strings drew tight around my stomach and pulled me into his chest, face first.
For a moment we stood there, pressed against one another. His breathing shallow.
“I figured you would have jumped away by now,” he said quietly.
“...You’re still holding the strings…” I said.
“Oh! Um.. Ahem… Sorry,” he said, letting go.
“Y-yea. S’no problem, man. Haha…”
“Vampire hunters must be intelligent, strong, and of course… mysterious,” I read to Bryce from my guidebook.
“You are literally none of those things,” he said.
“Hahahah you’re so funny and I hope you die!” I said happily hopping around.
“Moving on…” he groaned.
“Moving on!” I chirped. “An uninitiated hunter is known as a pippet.’ I guess that’s me! Heh, that’s kinda cute.”
“And how does one become fully initiated?” He asked.
I looked up at him through my bangs with an intense look.
“Why, by killing a vampire, of course…”
“Alright, let's go over our preparations one last time,” I said.
“Check,” bryce said.
“Dramatic lighting?” I asked with a glance around the park we had come to. The moonlight was beautiful tonight.
“......I’m not putting this on,” Bryce said.
“What?! Why not?” I wailed.
“It looks ridiculous!” He said.
“Ridi- Hey I spent a lot of time on that! You put it on right now!” I shouted at him as I shook him.
Bryce’s eyes became very hollow as he slowly slid into what I like to call the “damsel in distress gear v.1.1”
“You look beautiful,” I exclaimed.
“Why can’t you be the damsel in distress?” he pleaded.
“I can’t be the damsel AND the hunter, idiot.”
His shoulders slumped in shame.
“Hey, cmon now, get into character,” I said.
“Excuse me if I’m not exactly enthused about being in drag for all of this!” He barked.
“Shh!” I said with my finger raised to my lips.
I trotted over to a bush and hid myself there.
We waited there for over an hour, but finally-
-The light around the bench near Bryce began to bend with a purple and black ripple, and in it appeared a dark haired girl with… With RED EYES! That’s exactly what the book thing said!
She seemed just as surprised to see Bryce as he was to see her.
“Oh! Uhm…” She said.
Bryce dropped his umbrella and stared in amazement.
“Did you see the whole… you know? Fwooshy thing just now?” She asked Bryce.
“Hm?” He quickly cleared his throat, and more femininely said, “Hmmmm?” Might I add he’s been playing the lost damsel role quite well. I am impressed.
Her eyes faded to an icy blue as she looked around, clearly uneasy.
A chill went down my spine as a voice suddenly whispered into my ear.
“What are we hiding from?”
“Gyahhhh!” I screamed as I lurched out of the bush.
“Camber?!” Bryce called out to me.
I spun around to see the boy from the ice cream shop standing there grinning at me.
“You again!?!” I shouted.
“Unfortunately, yes,” he said as he stepped around my hiding spot.
“That’s twice now that you’ve gotten in my way with your stupid smug face, you… you… son of a biscuit eating bulldog!” I cried.
“Trust me, it’s not on purpose,” He said.
“How do you accidentally scare someone half to death like that?!”
He started to respond, but then I felt a sensation behind me and heard the vampire stand up. If I don’t do something quick we might all be killed!
I jerked on the first string, setting off a series of powder bombs chocked full of garlic.
My belt exploded in a haze of white powder, shielding me from her attack.
“Ack! Ghaaaaa! Egghhhhh! Brythe! Thah Fampire? Wherishee?!” I wheezed out.
“Uh… standing by the bench…” he said.
Through the fog of my powder shield I could just make out her face.
Garlic’s not working? Fine! Plan B!
I flipped the switch for the sprinklers, sending holy water spraying all across the park!
“... my hair…” The wicked fiend complained…
And then she… maybe… caught on fire? She should definitely be on fire right now! What the heck is going on??
“Hey what gives!” I shouted.
Her face was sullen.
I unslung my crossbow and took aim for her heart, firing an arrow blessed by a preacher I think.
Well, I can only compare it to being a kid, and playing with the slideshow goggles. The ones where you see a picture, and pull a lever which slides to the next, and so on.
The first slide was of her looking up to me. The look in her once more red eyes made me feel very small.
The second put her suddenly in the air, flipping just above my crossbow bolt mid flight as she gently brushed it away with a flick of her wrist.
The third found her inches from my face.
This is it… I’m done for…
Slowly, her hand reached upwards, claws had sprouted from her fingertips, and in one fluid motion she…
…Turned off the sprinkler system...
“So you’re not going to rip my legs off and beat me to death with them?” I asked.
“No, but the thought did cross my mind,” she said.
The boy behind me walked up to her, totally nonchalantly.
“For a second there I thought you were actually going to kill her,” he said.
“I spent a lot of time doing my hair for our date,” she whined.
“This isn’t a date!” He said.
“You’re dating a vampire?” I asked.
“No!... See, this is why I tell you not to call it that.” He was quite annoyed.
The gears started to turn in my head.
“I knew it! You ARE a main character!” I shouted.
“It’s complicated!” He barked.
I threw myself at his feet and wrapped my arms around his ankles.
“Please teach me!” I begged.
He looked up from me to Bryce.
Bryce just shrugged.
“She made me wear a dress, kick her all you want I won’t stop you.”
“Traitor!” I yelled.
“I’m not gonna kick you…” he said.
“If she keeps getting handsy I will,” said his girlfriend.
I need this. I’ll beg as much as it takes. Nothing has ever worked.
“No matter how much I try, or what I do nothing works. I’ve worked so hard and I never once even for a second got anywhere near succeeding and now here you are surrounded by so many cool things and all I want is one thing for me! I just want one…” I pleaded.
There was a brief pause.
Please say yes. I can settle for a maybe.
Please don’t say no.
“Fine.” He murmured.
“Yes!” I shouted as I jumped up and skipped around.
“Hold on! Make no mistake, I am NOT a main character! I’ve been avoiding it all my life, and I’m only going to be using you,” he said.
“...Using me?” I asked.
“Yea. You’re like… anti-matter for intro scenes. I’m going to use you as a deflector shield, and if by some miracle someday a plot hits you and sticks, great, good for you. But until then, you’re going to be my first line of defense,” he explained.
“That sounds fantastic! Awesome! You’re like… Like planet earth, and there’s meteors coming for you and I’m all like *pew pew pew* but like with my body and the meteors are-”
“-Ok, stop that,” he interrupted.
“Thanks,” I panted. “I was out of breath anyway.”
“Is she always like this?” He asked Bryce.
“... Hm, no… sometimes she’s asleep I guess.”
If you liked it, leave a comment at the bottom, please. I have no way of knowing if people are reading and enjoying any of this otherwise!
Isaac was born to be the main character, and
he knows it. Though, were it up to him, that would
not be the case.
He wants a quiet life. A normal life. For seventeen
years Isaac has done everything he can to avoid
the lead role.
Supporting characters practically throw themselves
head on into Isaac's path as he desperately tries to
derail whatever Pilot Episode, Prologue, or Opening
their "Chance Meeting" might result in.
Isaac Gray might not be a bad guy,
but he is certainly
No One's Hero.